Overcoming Fear of Rejection in Sales (ep. 35)

Overcoming Fear of Rejection in Sales (ep. 35)

Sales are the lifeblood of your business. It’s important to overcome anything that interferes with you showing up powerfully during sales conversations. In this two-part series, Pamela unpacks the two big mindset challenges that hold people back from great sales and serving clients.

In this episode, you will:

  • Discover the 5 essential set-up pieces for a great rejection-free sales conversation.
  • Experience the #1 exercise for removing fear of rejection in sales.
  • Identify 3 ways to remove that fear in the moment.

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Timecode Guide:

  • 01:55: Let’s talk about the 5 essential set-up pieces for a great rejection-free sales conversation.
  • 09:35: Discover the #1 exercise for removing fear of rejection in sales.
  • 13:15: Learn the 3 ways to remove your fear of rejection in the moment to close the sale.

Resources Mentioned

Want to know more about how to attract your ideal clients online? We’d love to chat! Grab a Breakthrough Session with one of my coaches to learn how to create real impact and income online.

Podcast Transcription

Episode 35: Overcoming Fear of Rejection in Sales


Intro (00:00):
You’re listening to ‘A Profitable Impact.’

Pamela Bruner (00:02):
If you’re struggling with fear of rejection in sales, knowing how to overcome that is one of the most important things you can do to bring in more revenue and grow your business.

Gene Monterastelli (00:13):
Welcome to A Profitable Impact, where every single week we help experts like coaches, healers, course creators, and other online professionals to expand their reach, to increase their impact in the world, and to be well paid for their extraordinary skills and talents. My name is Gene Monterastelli and I am the lead coach in Pamela Bruner’s Impact Accelerator Coaching Program. And now, please welcome my friend, my colleague, and the CEO of Attract Clients Online, Pamela Bruner. How you doing today, Pamela?

Pamela Bruner (00:41):
Great, Gene. And I’m always in a good mood when we get to discuss sales because sales is the lifeblood of a business, and anything that comes up in your way, you need to overcome in order to powerfully have sales conversations. So, this episode and the next episode are a two parter that came out of some of the requests of the clients in our Impact Accelerator Coaching Program, so super excited to tackle these. And in this episode, we’ll go over the three essential setup pieces for a rejection free sales conversation. And you’ll experience the number one exercise for removing the fear of rejection in sales, and then identify three ways to remove that fear in the moment during the conversation.

Gene Monterastelli (01:25):
So, as you hear our conversation today, and if you’d like to be in a situation where you become more efficient and more effective with your sales, we would love for you to have a free conversation with one of our coaches so they can help you to do exactly that. All you need to do is go to BookMyBreakthroughCall.com, that’s BookMyBreakthroughCall.com, and you can get onto the calendar of one of our coaches and they can help you to set up your sales process, so, as Pamela said, it is rejection free as you have the conversations.

5 Must-Have’s for Sales Conversations

Pamela Bruner (01:55):
So, let’s talk about overcoming fear of rejection in sales, because it’s great to say sales is service. It’s one of my favorite phrases, and I know one of your favorite phrases in our work, and yet, when someone says no, it’s really easy to go to that place of, they’re not saying no to the program, or they’re not saying no to this is not the right time for them, they’re saying no to me personally. So, a lot of what we’re going to go over today in this episode is how do you set yourself up so that rejection piece doesn’t happen or you’re setting yourself with a nice cushion to prevent fear of rejection. And there are three setup pieces that I believe help you have a rejection free sales conversation. And these will not only help your mindset around fear of rejection, they’ll also actually help your sales conversion. They’ll help more people say yes to what you do.

Pamela Bruner (02:52):
So, the first one is to sell a system, not a session. Now, we teach in the Impact Accelerator to create something called a signature system. It is something that is uniquely yours, you own it, it’s your intellectual property, it’s your coolness, it’s your awesomeness put into a system, but the thing about the system is it is one step or maybe more than one step removed from you. So, whether people are saying yes or whether they’re saying no, they’re talking about this system, they are not talking about you. So, I think it’s both easier to sell because you’re not saying, “Do you want me, do you want to work with me,” you’re saying, “Do you want this system that delivers this result?”

Pamela Bruner (03:36):
The second essential setup piece is to help the client get clear on the cost of the problem. And we do this with a step in our sales process that we call target the obstacles. And in this where we’re saying, what is it costing you to have this problem? Now, in some cases, that cost is going to have a financial number attached to it. So, I can talk to a perspective client and say it’s costing you what you might be making every month. If you’re making $5,000 a month and you want to make $10,000 a month, every month you have this problem, it’s costing you $5,000, but there are other costs as well that we can point to.

Pamela Bruner (04:17):
If you have poor health, it’s costing you energy and quality of life and enjoyment and possibly joy. If you don’t have the relationship you want, again, it’s costing you quality of life, costing you love. So, helping the client get clear on the cost of the problem, helps them get more into that mindset and that state of, “Wow, I really need this.” And they’re focused on the pain, they’re not focused on you and what they think about you. It’s all about them, which is nice.

Gene Monterastelli (04:48):
And it’s really important to be very clear and articulate about this point. Because most people, when they’re thinking about the problem, be it something that is physical, be it something that is emotional, be it about something in their business, they’re thinking about how it is impacting them today. And they have not actually done the math inside of their head to figure out over the course of time, “What does it cost me in order to do this?” Even though for us, because we provide the services that we provide, we’re super clear of that particular thing. So, it’s not just enough to recognize this, but when you’re having the conversation to be really intentional, to play it out, to ask them questions.

Gene Monterastelli (05:28):
Over the course of the next six months, what does it cost you to be stuck in this particular place? How are you going to feel six months from now you’re still stuck exactly here? And so, to be intentional about drawing that particular thing out and not just eluding to it because it’s not going to be at the front of their mind. And when we bring it to the front of their mind, they’re going to realize, “Oh, yes. Obviously, yes, this is a big deal.”

Pamela Bruner (05:51):
Not that you would use this example in a sales conversation necessarily, but imagine somebody said to you, “Well, I spend five minutes a day looking for my keys.” And that seems like a minor annoyance, but if you add it up over the course of a year, you’re talking about almost an entire work suite worth of time that they’re spending looking for their keys. And do you really want to sacrifice a week of time when you might be doing something else, vacation time, more pleasant time, time with your family? Five minutes a day doesn’t seem bad, but over the course of a year, it’s bad. So, helping the client get clear on the entire cost of the problem can be very, very powerful.

Gene Monterastelli (06:31):
And another way that we can help them to recognize the cost of the problem is not only is there the problem like we just talked about, sometimes there is the cost worrying about the problem. So, in addition to me not making the money I’d like to be making in my business, I’m also spending a huge amount of time and energy worrying about the fact that I’m not making enough money in my business. Earlier this week, I was talking to one of our clients and we were talking about sales stuff and she was talking about, and she was clear about it, the consequence of worrying about the sales piece was having in her personal life.

Gene Monterastelli (07:08):
And so, when we were able to get her emotionally clear around this particular fear that she was having, not only did you see the sense of relief because she now had something she could do in her business, she even said, “And this is going to make tonight so much better when I’m hanging out with my kids, because this is no longer going to be hanging over my head.”

Pamela Bruner (07:27):
Great example. The third essential setup piece is to put into your sales conversation a particular question. Ask the question of your prospective client, how important is it to you on a scale of one to 10 to overcome this, or to fix this, or to get from where you are to where you want to be? Because when you phrase it in that way, you’re setting them up to be, again, more in a state of acknowledging the commitment they have to fixing this problem. And I’ve said this many times when I’ve taught sales, if somebody says, I may be a six, that’s how important it is to me to overcome this,” you probably don’t have a client, certainly not a client for a high ticket offer.

Pamela Bruner (08:13):
But if someone says, “Oh, it’s a 10, I’ve got to fix this, or it’s a nine, this is really important to me,” there’s not a lot in life that is important to us at a level nine or 10. And so, you have perspective that you can share with the client that says, “Hey, you said this was important to you at a level nine or a level 10,” let’s find a way to help you do this.” And that helps set up rejection free conversation.

Gene Monterastelli (08:38):
And one of the things that I like to add as a followup question, after they give me that number and they say it’s a nine, I’m like, “Wow, I’m glad that this is something that’s so important to you. Why is it so important to you?” Because what they’re going to then do is, one, they’re going to be giving us information about where they are and what they’re struggling with, but two, I have had people in a circumstance where they said, “Oh, it’s an eight.” And I’m like, “Oh, that’s great. Why is it so important to you?” And as they start saying it out loud and they start giving detail and they share it, they’re like, “Wow, actually, this is probably a nine and a half, it’s not even an eight.”

Gene Monterastelli (09:13):
By giving them the opportunity to explain why they’ve given us the number they’ve given us, sometimes they actually recognize it’s a bigger deal to them than they thought, which then makes the conversation even more powerful because we’ve taken something that is a problem and we’ve shined light on it. And they’re like, “Oh my gosh, yeah, this really is a big deal,” which makes it easier for them to say yes, because they recognize how important it is for them to change.

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How to Remove Fear of Rejection in Sales

Pamela Bruner (09:35):
Love it. So, now, let’s talk about the number one exercise for removing fear of rejection in sales, and that is to use a particular modality to remove the original trigger that is causing the fear of rejection. So, for both myself and for Gene, our favorite modality is EFT tapping. And whether that’s your favorite modality or not, it’s not too hard to do. If you have a favorite mindset or subconscious shift modality, that’s great. Here’s the important part about this exercise. That is that somewhere in your past, you have an event, a trigger that created the fear of rejection. You don’t have it unless there’s a trigger. Because some people literally don’t have a fear of rejection, not many, but a few don’t. It’s the experiences of our lives that cause that.

Pamela Bruner (10:31):
So, whether it is rejection when you ask somebody out on a date when you were 13, or 16, or when you asked your parents for something and they said no, and perhaps they were angry or upset or tired, and they said no in a particular way, and so you took that to mean, “Oh, I’m no good. I’m being rejected in this moment.” It is possible to go back and not remove the event, but remove the emotional color, the trigger around that event. And if that is done, then it really cascades through your life, and the subconscious will remove some of the pull of that fear of rejection. And I am not a brain scientist, but my understanding of how it works is that when you experience a trauma, even what we would call a little t Trauma, somebody yelled at me, I was turned down for a date or an award, or whatever it is, that little t Trauma still creates an event in the subconscious that says avoid anything that looks like this ever for the rest of your life, because it’s so painful.

Pamela Bruner (11:40):
And that means that any time you try to step into something where that rejection might happen again, your subconscious has you shy away from it. It interferes with your sales process, makes you of sales, and so, if you remove that trigger your subconscious is no longer fighting you on sales. Do you want to expand on that?

Gene Monterastelli (12:01):
Well, yeah. One thing that you might notice as well as you’re doing this is that, as the things that we are offering become larger and larger, like the size of our programs, the price point goes up, that you might actually have to come back and revisit these triggers around being fear of rejection that you’re facing. Because I can be in a circumstance where I’m afraid that I’m asking for something really big, where I’m asking you to pay $2,500 for my program. And I tune in and I find the fears of rejection and then I clear them and I clear them enough so that it’s really easy and comfortable for me to offer something at $2,500.

Gene Monterastelli (12:39):
Now, a year from now, as my business grows, as my confidence grows, as my recognition grows, all of a sudden I’m offering a program for $7,500. Those old triggers might rear their ugly head and come back because the context of the offer that we’re making is a little bit different. So, not only is it important for us to get clear of these old triggers so that we’re not fearing rejection in the exact same way, it’s also important to recognize the context is going to matter. And so, don’t be surprised if as time passes, you come back and you need to get a little more comfortable as you’re offering things that are larger and larger.

3 Ways to Quickly Remove Fear of Rejection

Pamela Bruner (13:15):
Now, the three ways that I believe are helpful to remove fear in the moment, these have the advantage of you not having to learn a particular modality in order to exercise these. So, these are hopefully the most actionable way for you to overcome the fear of rejection in sales. The first is to recognize that one of the reasons that fear of rejection happens is that you believe the other person has more power than you do. There’s a part of you that feels smaller, more helpless, less in control, and a simple visualization of you being bigger than the person you’re talking to can help with that. It can help with that helpless feeling because the subconscious communicates and pictures, and just visualizing you as 10 feet tall and the person you’re talking to as a foot tall can start releasing those fears of helplessness or lack of control.

Pamela Bruner (14:10):
The second way to remove that fear in the moment is to create an identity as a partner. Now, on previous podcast episodes, we’ve talked through the partner model, which is the sales model that we teach, and that partner model is set up so that in a sales conversation, it is not adversarial, you’re not trying to convince anybody of anything, there is no manipulation in that. You are coming in as a partner, as an advocate for this person. And one of the great ways that I like to think about this is if a friend came to you with a particular problem, I’m sure that you would do everything you could to help that friend.

Pamela Bruner (14:50):
You would say, “Hey, let’s brainstorm. Maybe we can do this. Maybe you could solve it this way. Here’s a way that you could look at that.” You would be a partner to your friend in that situation overcoming that problem. That’s the same identity that you want to create in a sales conversation, because you want to have that strength of, “I am partnering with you. I’m not coming to you as a beggar, I’m not coming to you as a supplicant, I’m coming to you as a partner, trying to help you get what you want.”

Gene Monterastelli (15:17):
And this comes back to the idea that you share so often, Pamela, that idea that sales is service. “I’m offering you something only because I believe it is going to make your life better because I want you to have a better life. And so, it’s a way of serving you by making this particular offer.” The other nice thing that that does when I’m moving from that particular disposition, that sometimes people feel fear in a sales conversation because they’re afraid that you’re going to trick someone into something they don’t want.

Gene Monterastelli (15:46):
Well, if I am using the lens of I’m here to serve you and to recognize the fact that what I have to offer isn’t, then I don’t make an offer to you, and that’s okay. And by knowing that I’m only going to make an offer, if it is in partnership and it is of service to you, it makes it easier for me to show up in an authentic way, because I know I’m only making an offer because I think it is useful.

Pamela Bruner (16:10):
And we’re going to talk far more about that in the next episode, when we talk about a fear of being salesy or a fear of being perceived as being salesy. So, if you know that that’s a subject for you that can challenge you, you’ll definitely want to listen to the next episode in this podcast series. The third way to remove the fear in the moment is a particular saying, affirmation, mantra that I love, which is they need me more than I need them. So, no matter how eager you are to book a client, no matter how much you want revenue coming in, for a short period of time, for the 30 or 45 minutes that you may have this conversation with this person, if you can hold onto while they need me more than I need them, it’s going to ground you in your power as the provider of this transformational service or this expertise that you have. And it’s going to make all the difference in you being able to come from a place that is not fear-based.


Gene Monterastelli (17:10):
So, now that you’re in a situation that you clearly recognize the fact that sales is the lifeblood of the business that you run, and you’re still maybe feeling a little unsure about how to set yourself up in one of those conversations. We would love for you to have a free conversation with one of our coaches, to have them help you to be able to structure your time, your space, your energy, so that you can step into these conversations in a way that are going to be useful and powerful for your potential clients and yourself. If you’d like to have one of those conversations, all you need to do is go to BookMyBreakthroughCall.com, that’s BookMyBreakthroughCall.com, get on the calendar of one of our coaches. And they will help you to position yourself to have effortless and fun sales conversations with people who you are right to serve.

Gene Monterastelli (17:55):
As you’ve listened to the conversations today, if you know someone else in your life who might be struggling with sales at this particular moment, and could really use this information, please do us a favor and pass the episode along. Even if they don’t take the time to listen to the episode, the simple fact you’ve reached out to someone in your life and said, “Hey, I think this is going to be helpful for you,” they’re really going to appreciate that. But even more importantly, you get a chance to share some really useful information with them. If you have a question, a comment, or a topic that you’d like Pamela and I to cover in a future episode, we would love to hear from you. All you need to do is go to attractclientsonline.com, click on the contact link at the top of the website, shoot us your question or your comment, your topic, and please note that you’d like us to cover it in the podcast, and we will get to that at a future episode.

Gene Monterastelli (18:42):
If you haven’t done so already, also, please subscribe to the episode. Podcasts are free to subscribe to. You can go into Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, Audible, basically everywhere online you listen to audio. All you need to do is search for A Profitable Impact, click the subscribe button, click the follow button, and make sure you turn on those notifications so each time a new episode comes out, you are notified right away. For A Profitable Impact, I am Gene Monterastelli, until next time. I hope you have an impactful week.


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